As a new father (of a child) and a former child myself I think I’ve become an expert on certain things. One of those is an innate affinity to yard games. Any dad that’s worth his weight in sawdust is at least slightly over-competitive in yard games. My other expertise comes from my rediscovery of cartoons. Watching a toddler, sometimes you gotta just throw on something to watch. The key is to making sure its kid friendly and entertaining.
Now, I’ve always heard that you are the company you keep; and with that in mind I knew there was group I trusted to help raise my child. My family (The Looney Tunes).
Turning on Looney Tunes was probably a selfish choice, as I’ll understand them much more than my daughter will for a long time, but hey, if subconsciously she picks up even an ounce of cleverness, or the knowledge that dynamite only explodes if you plug your ears next to it, then I succeeded as a father.
As the Looney Tunes reintroduced themselves to me I knew there was only one way I could use my very particular set of skills and that was to create the highly requested, highly anticipated,
Definitive List of Which Looney Tunes Characters Would Make Good Cornhole Partners
For this list I will use the standard 0-4 bags rating system and take into account their skill as a player and their fit as a partner.
Bugs Bunny
First up, Mr. Tunes himself. You can’t think of Looney Tunes without him. He’s the epitome of cool, and the 90s (the coolest decade, but that’s a blog for another day).
Bugs will absolutely carry the team to victory and not break a sweat while doing it, however, because of his status around the Tunes community people will be gunning for him literally and figuratively. I’m guessing all this crossfire makes it at least a 30% chance someone throwing a tomato hits me inadvertently. Still, he’s the king
3.7/4 bags, would partner
Daffy Duck
Now is Bugs in the King, Daffy is the jester. Take everything I just wrote and think the opposite for Daffy. We will lose, it will be embarrassing, I will get hit with a tomato.
0.6/4 bags, would NOT partner
Yosemite Sam
Yosemite Sam may have the coolest name in the entire Tunes town, but what he has in name coolness, he lacks in cornhole ability. He’s short, trigger happy, and would REFUSE to play if we couldn’t use the red bags.
2.3 /4 bags, would not partner, but would eat whatever this man cooked on the grill
Foghorn Leghorn
I was very wrong. THIS guy has the coolest name in Looney Tune kingdom. Does his name have anything to do with his appearance? His species? His accent? Probably not, but damn does it roll off the tongue.
Mr. Leghorn is a consummate pro. What he lacks in necessity to the show (?) he makes up for in southernness. We may not win, but I’ll probably be captivated by his drawl, an off-topic story that ties into a life lesson, and be offered a delicious and obscure light beer.
3.5/4 bags, would partner
Taz “The tazmaniam devil” Taz
Taz is a true wild card. He’s your friend in college that always orders shots immediately upon arriving at the bar and is escorted out of the bar shortly after. No chance he throws a bag in the correct general direction of the board and there’s a good chance he ruins the board and whatever nice short-sleeve button down I wore for the game.
1.1 /4 bags, would not partner
Wile E. Coyote
Wile E. seems harmless enough to keep around but shady enough that you have to ask yourself “where did he get all this money” and “is the Acme Big Magnet Company a drug front”. Mr. E. Coyote is another butt of every joke in the City of Tunes, and if that isn’t enough to not want him as a bags partner, his insatiable bloodlust for Road Runner is off putting at best.
1.6/4 bags, would not partner
Road Runner
Road runner is THE ideal teammate. Unshakable and always positive. They? are athletic as hell and essentially mute. They? are like Tunesvilles smiling version of Kwahi. Gender ambiguity and a vegetarian diet make Road Runner the type of player you can build a franchise around. The type of player anyone can look up to. The type of player that says “Meep” in the face of adversity. Sure maybe trash talk and strategy go out the window but that’s just a small price to victory.
4.0/4 bags, WOULD partner
What did I get wrong? Who did I miss? What nonsense hypothetical should I do next? Let me know in the comments so I can tell you THIS IS MY BLOG GET YOUR OWN